Can You Hear, See or Feel What I'm Saying?

Communication Styles Preference Test

View or print the communication styles preference test.

Building rapport, and creating win-win situation using Neuro-linguistics.

A new department head asked Pete to fill him in on operations. Pete went over the project, put together budget and salary plans, a strategic overview and fully developed an outline for the meeting. Loaded down with facts and figures, Pete went into the meeting with his new boss. His confidence crumbled when he was told, "I know you've brought a lot of information with you, but l'd rather that you just tell me what's going on."

Pete learned the hard way that his boss liked to get information verbally; he liked to talk over the phone, or have people stop by his office to chat. Using a form of communications called Neuro-Linguistics, Pete could have "scoped out" the communications preferences of his boss without all the unnecessary paperwork.

In Neuro-Linguistics, matching a person's verbal style and mirroring their body movements and gestures leads to what is called "rapport"… a state of strong connection between people. After rapport is established, a person is more open to your ideas and suggestions. Using another person's language quickly builds trust; you are perceived as being "like me" and therefore safe. Trust is the connective tissue of successful business relations, from negotiations to socializing at meetings or functions.

To understand the workings of Neuro-Linguistics it's helpful to first understand your own communication style. The quiz on the next page will give you an insight into what your personal style is.

Once you're familiar with your own style, pay attention to the words and phrases that your client, vendor, associate, friend or spouse uses. If they're different from the ones you use, translate your ideas and feelings into language that makes sense to them. This is both a powerful persuasion technique and a respectful way to communicate.

• If a person is an "audio" type of communicator, call them on the phone and keep paperwork to a minimum; use their words and quotations of what others have said. Playing music in the background can also facilitate rapport.
• If you find that someone likes to have everything written down, that they send out a stream of memos and their office is generally kept neat as a pin, it's usually a sign that he or she is visually oriented, a "video." person. To communicate effectively you would draw diagrams, show photographs, or bring them to see whatever you're talking about.
• If a person has memorabilia in their office, offers you coffee when you arrive and is interested in how you feel about things, they are probably a "kino" person. Be sure to shake hands warmly when you meet, talk openly about your feelings, and let them feel free to stand up and stretch or move around while you talk. Since meetings are communication tools, being aware of Neuro Linguistics can make every meeting goer a participant, not just an attendee.