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Can You Hear, See or Feel What I'm Saying?
Building rapport, and creating a win-win situation using Neuro-Linguistics
A new department head asked Pete to fill him in on operations. Pete went over the project, put together budget and salary plans, a strategic overview and fully developed an outline for the meeting. Loaded down with facts and figures, Pete went into the meeting with his new boss. His confidence crumbled when he was told, "I know you've brought a lot of information with you, but l'd rather that you just tell me what's going on."
Pete learned the hard way that his boss liked to get information verbally. He liked to talk over the phone, or have people stop by his office to chat. Using a form of communications called Neuro-Linguistics, Pete could have "scoped out" the communications preferences of his boss without all the unnecessary paperwork.
In Neuro-Linguistics, matching a person's verbal style and mirroring their body movements and gestures leads to what is called rapport, a state of strong connection between people. After rapport is established, a person is more open to your ideas and suggestions. Using another person's language quickly builds trust; you are perceived as being "like me" and therefore safe. Trust is the connective tissue of successful business relations, from negotiations to socializing at meetings or functions.
To understand the workings of Neuro-Linguistics, it's helpful to first understand your own communication style. The quiz below will give you an insight into what your personal style is.
Once you're familiar with your own style, pay attention to the words and phrases that your client, vendor, associate, friend or spouse uses. If they're different from the ones you use, translate your ideas and feelings into language that makes sense to them. This is both a powerful persuasion technique and a respectful way to communicate.
If a person is an "audio" type of communicator, call them on the phone and keep paperwork to a minimum; use their words, as well as quotations of what others have said. Playing music in the background can also facilitate rapport.
If you find that someone likes to have everything written down, that they send out a stream of memos and their office is generally kept neat as a pin, it's usually a sign that he or she is visually oriented, a "video" person. To communicate effectively with them, you would draw diagrams, show photographs or bring them to see whatever you're talking about.
If a person has memorabilia in their office, offers you coffee when you arrive and is interested in how you feel about things, they are probably a "kino" person. Be sure to shake hands warmly when you meet, talk openly about your feelings, and let them feel free to stand up and stretch or move around while you talk.
Since meetings are communication tools, being aware of Neuro-Linguistics can make every person a participant, not just an attendee.
Communication Styles Preference Test
Now that you have an appreciation for the value of knowing about communication styles, you can increase your leverage by measuring your own preference. The test below was designed to be printed out and completed on paper.
For each of the following statements:
Place the number 4 next to the phrase that best describes you. Place a 3 next to the phrase that would next best describe you, and so on, ending with a 1 next to the phrase that least describes you. Do this for each of the five statements. Scoring information follows the test.
1. I make important decisions based on:
____ (K) Gut level feelings.
____ (A) Which way sounds the best.
____ (V) What looks best to me.
____ (D) Precise diligent study of the issues.
2. During an argument, I am most likely to be influenced by:
____(A) The other person's tone of voice.
____(V) Whether or not I can see the other person's point of view.
____(D) The logic of the other person's argument.
____(K) Whether or not I feel I am in touch with the other person's true feelings.
3. I most easily communicate what is going on with me by:
____ (V) The way I dress.
____ (K) The feelings I share.
____ (D) The words I choose.
____ (A) My tone of voice.
4. It is easy for me to:
____ (A) Find the ideal volume and tuning on a stereo system.
____ (D) Select the most intellectually relevant points concerning an interesting subject.
____ (K) Select superbly comfortable furniture.
____ (V) Select rich color combinations.
5. In regards to my awareness:
____ (A) I am very attuned to the sounds in my surroundings.
____ (D) I am very adept at making sense of new facts and data.
____ (K) I am very sensitive to the way articles of clothing feel on my body.
____ (V) I have a strong response to colors and the way a room looks.
Scoring the Communication Preference Test
Step 1: Add all the numbers associated with each letter. There will be five entries for each letter. Enter those totals into the form below. Your final total should = 50.
Scoring Totals A D K V
__________ A-AUDITORY; __________D-DIGITAL; __________K-KINESTHETIC; __________V-VISUAL
Step 2: The comparison of the totaled scores above give the relative preference for each of the representational systems.
Step 3: If you would like a detailed, expert interpretation of your communication preferences by the Sales Doctor, presented by phone, please print and complete this sheet, along with the following information:
Your Name:
Your Company:
Work Position:
Daytime Phone:
Evening Phone:
Email Address:
...and mail it with your check for $45 to:
The Sales Catalyst, Inc.
410 Loblolly Drive
Durham, NC 27712-8919
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