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1. Take an inventory of the people closest to you. How similar are they to you in beliefs, behaviors, likes and dislikes? What patterns have you established with them around your differences? Do you sit down and discuss? Argue? Agree to disagree? Ignore the issues? Compromise? Under what conditions do you do each?
2. Remember specific interactions you have had with two or three people with whom you have ultimately chosen not to be in a relationship. How were they different from you in beliefs, values, behaviors, likes and dislikes, or other specific ways? How did you deal with your differences? Did you talk about them or didn't you bother? What made you decide not to further the relationship?
3. What were the differences between the above two exercises? How do you choose friends? What are your beliefs about differences of opinion, being right or wrong? Are you willing to look at bridging the gap between being wrong or right with your customers?
4. Notice what happens internally when you feel you are right and someone else is wrong. What do you feel? What are your behavior patterns? Notice any resistance to giving up your need to be right in order to maintain or create a relationship.
5. In your mind's eye, picture yourself having dinner with someone you care for. Do you see two people, and are therefore disassociated from the picture? Or do you see just the other person and are associated into the picture? Switch positions. What is the difference? How does each make you feel? What would you need to know, believe or practice in order to be able to switch between being associated and disassociated at will?
6. Make a picture of a blank double-movie screen in your minds eye. On the left-hand screen, make a picture of a successful phone conversation with a client. On the right make a picture of an unsuccessful call with a prospect. Notice the differences in the picture. Separate from their content. Check the picture for differences and similarities in color, sound and clarity. Look at body language in both pictures. Do you notice physiological feedback? Internal dialogue? A tension in a specific area? Differences in your voice? If you can discern differences in the pictures of the call, you can duplicate the successful call and make a choice to disassociate by replicating the physiology of the successful call.
7. When you're able to make a conscious decision to learn a new skill around being right or wrong, and decide to learn to disassociate, practice the "movie theater" technique. Then make up your own disassociating technique. Decide which is most comfortable for you and use it regularly. Make sure to build an internal trigger (a feeling or word reminder) that when it is time to disassociate.
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